I wanted to take a moment to share a dream I had a year or so ago. This is not a dream about the presidency or some prophecy for the future. Instead, I believe that its purpose was to help me understand many of the discouraging and confusing events that have happened in my life in recent years.
I imagine that there are many others who, like me, have faced the pain of great physical, spiritual, or financial pressure and loss—maybe even for long periods of time. Many have even faced rejection from within the church, often because of their difficulties. Maybe you found it hard to dance and shout when your child died, maybe people assumed that you were evil or didn’t have faith because you lost your home even though you prayed for months.
I believe that the theme of the dream I’m about to share reveals a truth about the condition of much of the church, today. I hope that it will help bring strength and understanding to those who’ve had difficulty understanding their situation and the rejection and that they’ve faced from those who should be friends.
Even if that is not you, I hope you’ll take a moment to read on. In this message is presented a very difficult truth about the modern church and how we’ve come to the point of so tragically missing it with prophecy, praise, and even preaching. I am not standing on a soapbox to condemn; instead, I am on my face in guilt for having not understood these things either. I only began to learn them when God uprooted my comfort and stability, as I think He has for many of you.
The Dream
I found myself in a church that I’ve known and followed for many years. I was standing in a line, waiting behind several people. We were all waiting to buy a cup of coffee.
For some reason, I was incredibly tired and kept falling asleep. I knew that in order to match the energy of the people, I needed to get coffee like the rest of them. I only had enough money for a single cup with a few dollars left over, but I was glad that I had enough. As I waited, I continued falling asleep and waking up to see that people simply kept walking around me, not seeming to care that I was there before them.
After some time, I woke up again to find that I’d finally made it to the front of the line. The attendant behind the counter was smiling at me, radiating with love, kindness, and the glory of God. It was as though she was an angel. As I saw her smile at me, I suddenly felt at peace. My feeling of exhaustion went away, and I felt at home. Suddenly, there was no pressure around me expecting me to have high, excited energy.
I stepped forward and she was ready to hand me a cup of water at no charge. Part of me wanted to take it, but I looked over to my right and saw that I had somehow been taken from the line for coffee and ended up in the line for water. I looked behind me and saw that there was no one – I was the only one in the water line.
Although I felt such peace and stability in the water line, when I looked to my right again and saw the people, the feeling of exhaustion came back. This reminded me that I could not match their energy, and I became embarrassed. Hanging my head in shame, I apologized and let the girl know that I’d stepped into the wrong line.
As I rejoined the coffee line, the pressure returned. Because I knew time was short, I was determined to stay awake until I reached the front. When it was finally my turn to step up to the counter, before I could take a step, two people cut in front of me. The people knew I was awake, but they did not care. I turned around and saw that I was the last in line. Everyone else had already come and gone. I knew that the service was about to start, so I spoke up and said, “I’m sorry, but I’ve been standing here longer than anyone and have seen full lines of people come and go.”
At that, the people became indignant and started lashing out at me. The attendant behind the counter appeared to look something up on her computer and said, “Aha! We don’t serve gamblers here.”
I was incensed by this. Though I’ve battled several significant vices in the past, gambling was never enticing for me. Her information was wrong. Instead of arguing with her, I simply asked, “You believe in just calling out my sin in front of everyone?”
As I asked this, those in line and the woman behind the counter became far more hostile and abusive—they wanted me gone. Seeing that there was no reasoning with these people, I sighed and waved the two on to go in front of me. As I did, they immediately turned away and started smiling at one another again. I heard the woman behind the counter cheerily say to the next person, “Welcome to Church! God loves you and so do we!”
I left feeling dejected. As I was leaving, I decided that I would simply leave what money I had at the counter to be placed in the offering. I knew that they would make sure that it got there. I remember thinking, although I’m not welcome in His house, I still want to leave Him the gift of whatever I have. I also somehow knew that my money was welcome even if I wasn’t.
The Purpose
This dream, for me, served several purposes. For one, it was a warning which told me something I already knew deep down about that particular church.
The sad reality is—this church isn’t outwardly evil. It does not preach outright heresies. The pastor and the church genuinely fast, stand against abortion, and stand for Biblical truth in nearly every way. They have also shared many things which have helped positively shape me over the years. The only problem is that they also continually preach what I call “Christian Amphetamines”.
As anyone who has been prescribed the drug Adderall will tell you, when you take it, you feel energized, alert, and extremely focused. Many people end up not eating while taking it, because they don’t feel that they need to.
Adderall is a type of drug called an amphetamine. Historically, amphetamines have even been used as a means for weight loss. At one time, they were even marketed to and prescribed for house wives who wanted to drop weight and enjoy doing their house work. Those who took it could work hard, feel good, and not eat! It certainly sounds like a miracle drug. The only problem with this is that there is a difference in feeling good instantly and in feeling good gradually by eating what is healthy.
With that in mind, let me give you an example of Christian Amphetamines…
Christian Amphetamines
I used to follow the social media of the church that I saw in my dream. Every week they would post some version of the same message.
BE THERE THIS SUNDAY!!!! PASTOR WILL BE THERE!!! IT’S GOING TO BE FIRE!! [5 fire emojis] You’re guaranteed to leave feeling better than you did when you came!
One could make the argument that this is just marketing, which would be fair. However, the actual sermons carry the same spirit, and they deliver what the marketing promises. Where every sermon should be a meal which edifies and builds up the spirit, each message is either partially or entirely Christian Amphetamines instead of real food. It feels good, but it doesn’t nourish.
So what exactly does a “Christian Amphetamine” message look like?
They “build you up”. They tell you that you’re strong and confident. They tell you that you’re the head and not the tail. They tell you that every devil is under your feet and that the enemy can’t touch you. They make you shout it out and teach you to “decree and declare” it over your life. You’re told that the louder you shout and the more you move around, the greater it means your faith is.
Unfortunately, they also criticize—often to the extent of mocking—those who don’t shout and jump around enough, even though many are simply suffering from illness which prevents them from rapid movement. Some others are even facing deep sorrows which have placed their souls in travail.
Sadly, this does not matter. Like the people in the coffee line, you either match their energy and excitement, or you’re called wicked by the staff and the crowd jeers with them.
Before you stop reading, I beg you as a Christian brother or sister to afford me just a moment longer to see that I’m not what you might be thinking I am.
You may be thinking that I’m wrong and that I’m an old stuck in the mud who hates praising and enjoys attending “Strange Fire” conferences so I can revel in mocking worshippers. If you know my work, you’ll know that I speak very strongly against those types, but if you’re not familiar, I ask you just for a moment of grace to let me explain what I’m saying.
Maybe you believe that the people who don’t dance are wicked and that they don’t have the Holy Spirit. After all, shouldn’t they rejoice like David in the House of God?
First, let me say that rejoicing and praising with your physical strength is good! David danced and rejoiced when they’d recaptured the Ark of the Covenant (which was the one place in which God’s Spirit could dwell on Earth in those days). No one and nothing could have prevented him, and I believe all true worshippers today, who are able, would dance just as hard in such a joyous occasion!
In your remembering this, however, I must also ask you to remember what the Bible says David and his men did when they returned to their camp and found that the enemy had raided it and stolen their belongings and families.
So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep.
1 Samuel 30:4
As Scripture tells us, there is a time for mourning and a time for dancing. If some do not dance because they have a physical ailment, let them praise in Spirit. It may be that standing and clapping to the beat costs them more pain than the normal person can even imagine. In that case, their weak clap is worth far more than the man shouting and running around the building, who will also go home later to his secret sin.
There are also those in mourning, who in the midst of personal hell chose to go to church instead of stay home. They bring God a great sacrifice of Praise by their presence alone and the bowing of their heads in worship, even when fighting back sorrow. Those who love the Lord know that to jump around in pretend joy would be to bring a false offering before the Lord. It would be a show for man and not an offering for the Lord. These people are worshipping both in Spirit and in Truth.
Scorning the Mourning
I once knew a man who had moved over 700 miles away to a place he felt God wanted him to be. He had rented a car, a home, and furniture with the ability to easily pay it off in a month or two with his salary. Immediately, after moving in to the home, his contract was terminated. He struggled and stayed in faith for God to provide, but he ended up losing everything over the next several months, even his furniture was taken away.
Toward the end, in an empty house, he was desperately sad, fried from stress, and about to lose his car. On top of it, he was rejected from the ministry he went to be a part of. Without knowing what else to do, he spent the last money in his pocket on just enough gas to make it to a church about 45 minutes away which he’d never been to before. He’d heard of the place and wanted to be in the House of the Lord, even though he was in such pain.
As the congregation began to worship, he stood and clapped along with a smile on his face despite the sorrow in his eyes. The pastor got up and began advocating for more shouting and jumping around. Scanning the room, he spotted the young man and his eyes narrowed on him. Target acquired.
The preacher’s face turned to a visible sneer. He proceeded to mock the man from the pulpit, folding his arms as if to imitate the young man’s coldness. Even though the young man was clapping along, it was not enough.
The pastor jeered, scoffing at “the rigid stiff ones who didn’t want to worship”. The woman standing next to him even scooted away, so everyone knew she wasn’t with him. Before the service, that young man felt broken and wondered if God had rejected him too. One can only imagine the crushing weight he felt as he left.
The saddest part of this is that the crushed young man gave the last of what he had to be in God’s House, only to be used as an instrument of scorn by a preacher and congregation who’d never met him. The whole while, the church reveled and rocked, enjoying the high from the message filled with Christian Amphetamines and from taking part in scorning the mourning man, who was clearly not one of them.
If you’re involved in this sort of church, you may not realize it. This happens subtly, and you’d likely never even notice unless you were on the receiving end. As long as you can afford the coffee and you keep yourself jacked up, you’ll get the smiles and love.
But please hear me – if there is no place for the mourning, the hurting, or the poor in the House of God, you’re not in the House of God.
What I’ve Learned
When I look at this and at my own life, I’ve come to recognize that a church can be sound in much doctrine, but they can still be a roulette wheel when it comes to the message. You never know if you’re going to get a meal or a little red pill. I remember a former heroin addict sharing the story of how every week his dealers would text him the same thing: “I’ve got that fire!!!”
I can’t help but be struck by the similarity of that marketing message. I have no doubt that just like the church marketing promised, after the addict went week after week to get “that fire”, he did indeed leave “feeling better than when he came”.
Sadly, however, I imagine that the long term cost for both is the same.
The problem with “Christian Amphetamines”—or the coffee line—is that it relies on a state of physical elation and excitement. It’s always about the “fresh word”, the powerful speaker, or “fire worship”.
They’ll get you amped up by telling you how powerful you are and how weak the devil is, but by the end of the week, you’re left feeling terrible, needing another hit. Why? Because it’s simply not true.
Please give me grace to hear what may be a difficult message.
I have learned that I’m not the head.
I’m not the first.
There is no lion roaring in me.
I’m not strong or powerful—in fact, I’m weak and no good thing can be found in me.
My faith wavers and my understanding is lacking, and I do not know how to pray as I should.
However…
Though I’ve learned that I’m not the head, thank God, Christ is the Head, and through Him, I am a member of the Body!
I may not be the first, but in the Kingdom of Heaven the last are first, so in my lowliness, I am exalted in Christ.
Because I am not a roaring lion, I get to be one of His sheep, and He watches over and calls His sheep by name. The Lion can hear nothing over the tremendous volume of his own roar, but the sheep get to hear The Shepherd’s Voice, and they are able to recognize it when He speaks.
I may also be weak, but in my weakness, His Strength is made perfect. So if my weakness makes room for His Strength, then may I be even weaker still, so that Christ has room to reign in my life and to do greater things in me than the mightiest man could accomplish in his own strength.
When my faith wavers and the enemy seeks to sift me as wheat, Christ Himself prays for me and receives me back when I falter or err. Because no good is found in me, I know to pour out all the refuse within me on the altar, making me an empty vessel that is able to be filled without the risk of mixing the impurity of self-established righteousness and strength.
And when I do not know how to pray, the Spirit of Life gives utterance on my behalf.
Those who are lowly—poor in spirit—He is able to recreate as new Creations, who are worthy of true honour in the Kingdom of Heaven.
This New Creation can begin and continue only by the personal recognition of your own utter unworthiness, complete inability, and utter lack of strength to produce righteousness.
Your words cannot do it, and your declarations mean nothing. Only by Faith in Christ and obedience to His Word is His Purpose accomplished in your life. The good news is—His Purpose for you is good! But blessing comes on His terms, not yours, and be glad for that. We do not know what is good for us, and His ways and thoughts are higher than ours, yet they are good continually toward those who love Him!
As for me, I’ve learned that I do not want to build up what God calls me to tear down. I do not want to consume what leaves me feeling good for a few days and poisons me over time.
The Dinner of Death
Instead, I need to eat the Body and drink from the Cup, which is the dinner of death. The communion supper, itself, both symbolizes His death and serves as an invitation for us to follow.
In sharing the cup, we die to our own selfish wills, desires, and cravings. Because of that death, we are then also able to share in the resurrection. In this resurrection, we are given new hopes and desires.
It is only through the death of His flesh and by death to our flesh that we are able to abide in Him.
When we are truly in Him, our actions are entirely directed by Him and not of our own selfishness.
If, being in Him, I prophesy, I do not speak my words, but His.
If I work miracles, it is not by my power or for my glory, but for His.
If I pray, it is not just my voice, but the Voice of His Spirit cries out in unison with mine—as if one voice—calling for the Will of the Father.
And if I speak, it is because His Purpose and intention have need for expression, and I have been counted worthy to express them in the purity of Truth.
Even Christ, Himself, told us that He had thoughts of His own, but he refused to speak them. In so doing, He modeled for us the obedience that we are also called into, as we become united in Him.
I do not share these ideals as though I can brag of having mastered them. I still fail to fully grasp them and to walk continually in Him. Indeed, all who are called according to His Purpose will struggle and fight, contending against temptation and the flesh, striving for obedience and to be continually molded into His Image. With each step, we learn to live more and more in Him, so that our actions will be made pure and we can be used greatly.
What we know is this: those who are walking in Him do not exalt themselves. They do not seek out followers and platforms. They do not “prophesy” their own desires, believing that they are the strong arbiters in matters of the Spirit and the physical realm. They do not rebuke the plans and purposes of God, passing judgments on His judgments.
Instead, we are called to become willing vessels who lay down our lives after the pattern of Him who came before us, not doing our own will or calling into being what we desire, but rather accomplishing only the Will and Purpose of the Father, who is sovereign and who does not need our permission to act—as the false prophets would have you believe.
The Water Line
Looking back, I understand that God’s relocation to the water line is a gift for those whom He Loves and has called according to His Purpose. This relocation brings rest and preparation for what is coming.
If you’ve been going through similar hardships, it’s possible that you’ve been relocated as well. Perhaps you’ve found yourself rejected from a church or group without ever opening your mouth. Maybe the people thought that they “read” some sin on you that wasn’t there. Or perhaps some other difficult events have occurred in your life that have caused you to lose friends or connections to a ministry or group.
If that’s you, I would advise you to also carefully examine your own heart and pray for help from the Father to remove all bitterness. The truth is, rejection can leave lasting wounds that can cause us to reject and hurt others.
The good thing about the Living Water, however, is that it is free, and it heals. If you’ve found yourself relocated to the water line, I advise you to drink the Water of Life.
Praise, forgive, apologize, and Love Him and one another. Even if forgiving or apologizing seems impossible, He will help you. Unlike the coffee line, motivation doesn’t cost anything and it isn’t followed by a crash. His Living Water brings life and continues to flows from within you, healing even the most impossible wounds. You simply need to ask for help, and He will walk with you.
Final Thoughts
There were two things that I will always remember about the feeling of waking up in that water line. The first was the profound feeling of relief and love. I no longer felt like I needed some kind of chemical augmentation to be accepted as God’s child. I wanted that feeling to stay forever, and I now know that it could have.
The second thing that I remember is seeing the cup of water and looking to the other line. I felt embarrassment. What would they think of me? Would they think I was too poor for coffee? And what was wrong with me, anyway? All the other children of God were amped up and ready to go praise the house down.
“That has to be what God’s people are supposed to do,” I reasoned, “It’s where everyone else is. After all, the water line is empty.”
Today, I can tell you that I’m glad I was rejected. I hope after reading this, you will be too. I pray I never try to stand in the coffee line again.
From now on, if the water line is empty, I’ll thank God that I get the cup faster. If it’s full, I’ll praise God that I’m among friends.
Beloved Brother and Sisters, if He’s placed you in the water line—take the cup and smile back at the attendant behind the counter. Don’t look to the left or the right. We’re entering a generation where only His Water can satisfy, and only those who have the Water will be able to stand and not faint from the season of shaking that is already upon us.